Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Phillay's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
8:27 pm	I think I am going to start calling Megan "My Angel" or "Phillay's Angel", but rightfully so... I mean I honestly think about it and think she saved my life... I was in serious depression because of my past and all the constant pain and misery and torture Ive been through... I was in a downward spiral... I call her my angel because she gave me a chance and turned my life completely around and put me on the right track, she made me happy, she gave me everything, she gave me life! All my life I was searching for happiness... I could never find it no matter how hard I tried... the harder I looked the worse I felt... I even turned to drugs and alcohol, but that made everything worse too... Who knew that what I needed was right in front of me the whole time? All I needed was Megan, and she was right there at Sumner in front of me the whole time, I just didnt realize it. She was the key to everything. The key to a normal life. The key to happiness. My life has completely changed in every way since Ive been with her, I love her so much for that. I stopped smoking weed and drinking most of my alcohol for her. I dont need them, all I need is her. I would give up anything for her, all she has to do is ask. I feel different as well... I dont feel depressed or worried or anything anymore... I feel happy, its an awesome feeling, its the greatest feeling in the world. Being in love with her is the greatest feeling in the world too... I must say they are a tie. Honestly, if I think about it, and I didnt get with her... I dont know where Id be right now... every day my depression was getting worse and worse, but then I met her and it all melted away, all the pain, all the bullshit, all the being fucked over, all the torture, all the hell... all went away when I met her... she is like an angel from above... like a blessing in disguise... I feel that when I met her, I was reborn again... with a happy normal life... since then everything has been different and I have freedom and happiness... its weird, cause everything is new to me... noone knows what Im talking about except for Megan... but I think she really saved my life, thank you honey, I love you! (Comment on this)
8:26 pm	Megan You are the reason my days are so bright, That's why it kills me inside when we have a fight. I don't want us to ever fight again, It hurts me so much, so next time I'll probably just let you win. I honestly do completely trust you, I want you to be able to hang with your crew. I just worry about you being a flirt, When he told me, it was the most I've ever hurt. And I've been through a lot of pain, But because of you, a normal life I'm beginning to retain. I know you'd never do anything to hurt me, You know I wouldn't do anything to you either, that I can guarantee. You are so perfect, how could I ever cheat? It feels like you have made my life complete. I don't want our relationship to be over and dead, Just because of what one jerk said. We can't let it affect us at all, After that, all I can seem to think is "Fuck Paul". Listening to him was definitely a mistake, Simply because it caused me so much heartache. I think him we should just choose to ignore, So we can continue to fall in love even more. Honey, don't worry, I am not at all mad, This relationship is by far the best I've ever had. To me our relationship means a great deal, I don't think you'll ever know how strongly about you I feel. You truly make my life the happiest its ever been, Because of you, my life has been able to finally begin. You are the girl of my dreams, My life is more perfect than it seems. I don't think it could get any better than this. The most memorable time of my entire life is our first kiss. In the back seat of Shannon's car, It is my most favorite memory by far. When you gently took my face with your hand, And showed me the wait you could no longer stand. I'm not at all mad that you didn't wait, Because that kiss felt so incredibly great. It was the nicest thing I've ever felt, When I touched your lips it felt like my insides were going to melt. I now have everything I could ever dream of, But I must say the most priceless is our love. Love from the most amazing girl I've ever met, Everything you've done for me... I could never forget. Megan, you are everything to me, Without you, I don't know where I'd be. I honestly love you with all my heart, I feel like I've always have, even from the start. Everything I've ever said to you is true, Megan, I honestly love you. I hope we will always be together, Cause it would be so nice to be happy forever. (Comment on this)
Monday, July 1st, 2002
7:33 pm	omg... I feel like crying right now... I cant believe how perfect everything has been and just how happy I have been... I cant believe everything I have... its really just unbelievable... everything is just perfect right now... I feel like im in a dream... I havent had any problems since Ive been with megan... a whole entire month without a single problem!! when Im around her I dont even worry about anything, everything just feels even more perfect, its incredible... I feel like I have everything in the world and Im just finally happy!! I honestly feel like the luckiest guy in the world... I have my license and a job, soon ill have a car and a phone... and most importantly I am still happily with the greatest girl in the world... we are coming up on our month anniversary... Megan... thank you soooo much... thank you for giving me the greatest month of my entire life and making my life as perfect as it is and making my life complete... you were the only thing I needed the whole time, and now I finally found you... you are the key to my happiness... I hope we stay together forever... Current Mood: thankful (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 6th, 2002
4:46 pm	Megan... yeah peoples, she really is everything I want in a girl and much much more... she is perfect to me, omg!! I showed her my poem today... and it made me start to think... and its really weird how I used to be depressed and miserable all the time and thought that I had nothing to live for, but now I know I was wrong, cause there is her, Megan, and she is definitely worth living for... I dunno what Id do without her... we've only been goin out for a couple days now, and shes already changed my life so much and she probably doesnt even realize it... and she is really the first person to make me happy... thank god for giving me her and the chance to be with her and make her the happiest girl that I can... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 5th, 2002
9:49 pm	Last night I went to the movies with Megan, it was fun, even though I was all shy and stuff... lol, we still held hands and kinda cuddled and stuff, it was nice, I enjoyed it very much. I hope we can do that more often... Im really happy with her so far... and I think it will only get better over time... Current Mood: happy Current Music: "hero" - chad kroeger and josey scott (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 4th, 2002
2:53 pm	My Happiness Today has been the best day of my life by far!! Lets see... my mom gave me $1000 this morning, which is awesome!! I passed my first test in drivers ed... and also the greatest thing that has ever happened to me... Megan!!...I go with her now... I couldnt be happier... I like her sooo much, we get along well together and everything, its perfect... the only bad thing is we dont get to see eachother as much as we wanna... but that will change soon hopefully... I love everything about her too. Her personality... she is so nice and cool and everything... I swear, shes like the nicest girl Ive ever met... her looks, she is really beautiful... her voice, its so cute and sexy lol... just everything bout her... I wouldnt change anything about her, she is my perfect dream girl... really, she is... I hope we never break up... I was so excited about us that I couldnt even sleep last night... I slept for like a whole 2 and a half hours... yeah!! This has been the roughest year of my life... I was so miserable and hurt and depressed for most of the school year... and all the pain and crap I went through with krysten and and a few others... It was really a year of hell... but I must say it was all worth it to be with megan now... cause now all thats in the past, and Im finally happy (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 26th, 2002
3:26 pm	Megan Hmm, lets see, Megan tis be my newest friend... She is so cool lol. Shes like the funnest person to talk to, I swear. Shes nice and funny and I can talk to her about things... Its nice... I know the ones of you that read this and talk to her know what Im talkin bout, right? Well, I promised her Id write a whole big long long long entry about her and only her... All dedicated to her... so lets do this!! I just started talkin to her on Friday, but shes cool, so I think we will be friends for a while now and not stop talking AGAIN... I dont know why I never talked to her before... well I mean I have, but then we stopped, and I dunno why, but now its all good and Im extremely happy with it so far... I was kinda dumb for stoppin the last time, but oh well, never again... hopefully we will just get closer and closer, ya all know? I miss her though... she is on her way down to Texas... and not only that, but I wont even get to see her Tuesday at school, cause she will be on her way back to this lovely city... so that means I will only get to see her for 2 days before school is out!! doesnt that suck?? the one time and one reason I wish school was NOT getting out so soon... I hope she does find a computer somewhere down there at her relatives house so we can chat a lil bit and I can see how she is and what she is doing... I do miss her and wanna talk to her... lol, I wonder if she is having a dream about me right now? She said she would, so shed better!! lol... hmm, we went ice skating in my dream... crazy, eh? lol... She is smart!! She is going to go full IB... I wish I could do that... but yeah, we all know Im just a lil too slow for that... oh well, Im proud of her for doing it... good luck babe... we had better get some classes together, cause the ONLY class we had was 1st hour in 8th grade, that was too long ago... thats probably why we never really talked... I want a peacock... Im so jealous of her lol... Ill have to go see hers myself... I wonder what she is doing right now and where she is on her lil trip... I miss her... :~( Where for art thou Megan?!? lol (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 23rd, 2002
10:03 pm	yep, schools almost out FINALLY!!! just 3 more days which are all finals after tomorrow is over... Tomorrow will be easy too, locker cleanout and reveiew... other than in Prier which we will be having a feast and character speeches, in which my sis, Ashley, better do her speech with me since our characters are brothers anyway... lets see, I took my last two tests today before all my lovely finals... lets see, I totally blew that math test... go figure!! I got an A on my biology one though... that easy easy shit... I mean come on who DOESNT know about DNA and RNA and meitosis and meiosis and all that crap?? easiness I tell ya what... Geez, I hate it when people call me rich... HEY PEOPLE, IM NOT RICH!! People all be sayin I live out in the boonies and on a farm and blah blah... and just because I happen to have horses that makes me rich?!? Nope nope nope... just aint true, I am not rich... Heh, speaking of that... some dude said he was gonna have to kick my ass and take my gold... He was like how much is all your gold worth... I was like uhhh, lemme think... somewhere around $3,000... I mean hey, Im not gonna lie about it... and he should know that its about that much, considering I will NEVER wear fake gold or fake diamonds... he was like yeah, ima have to kick your ass and take that shit... mm hmm, thats too bad, he cant have me shimmering gold for I am the leprachaun and shalt protect me precious gold at all costs... he he he ha ha ha Current Mood: blank Current Music: "Dig" - Mudvayne (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 21st, 2002
8:55 pm	ehh, the concert was cool I guess... my favorite song out of all of them was probably "18 and Life" by Skid Row... I froze my ass off though and was sick, so I stayed home yesterday... today was ok, I got an A on my psych test, that stuff is sooooo easy... Lauren looked really good today too, in her cute lil skirt... yeah, I liked that skirt for a couple reasons lol... eh, I love mi Lauren, shes awesome... I think im startin to like this one girl again a lil bit, which I dont think is good, cause I dont wanna like anyone right now... Im kinda mad at lorena too, so I wont go out with her... eh, life sucks right now, good thing school is almost out... (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 18th, 2002
12:48 pm	Last night kinda sucked at first, but then it was better... It sucked at first cause it was me, mia, andrew, andrews gf ashlee, and rachel... we went to wendys and the mall... and rachel is a total bitch, and I dont really care for ashlee either, she kinda seems like a bitch too... so it sucked... then we went to dicks and me and mia and andrew were havin fun playin golf and workin on the gym stuff... and the two bitches run off and leave us... so its closing time and we search the whole freakin store lookin for em... and we call em on the intercom too... but nothin, so then we were like screw it and went over to cinemark... we waited for like 20 min outside waitin for them and this other dude steve... so then were like screw that and went inside... and I guess the bitches were inside with steve and saw andrew hug mia or somethin and she was pissed at him, so they went to a different movie with steve and screwed us... so me and mia went and watched that movie and andrew kept goin back and forth... yeah that sucked... but it was fun bein with mia... I enjoyed it... and I guess the bitches went home with steve too, so we didnt have to bother with them... which was good... so me andrew and mia left... it is funner just bein the three of us... they dont even act like they go out anyway... oh well... fuck her... I had fun after they left... I had to pay for mias drink and most of her ticket... but its cool, it was worth it, plus I like her a lil bit now... so of course it was worth it... yay, tonight I get to go see tesla, vince neil, jackyl, and skid row... I cant wait to hear 18 and life... I love that song!! plus its my first concert at sandstone this summer!! yay (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 12th, 2002
11:34 am	HAPPY F'N B-DAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 11th, 2002
6:32 pm	Wow, tomorrow is my birthday and I dont even give a fuck... it doesnt even seem like my birthday and I cant get excited about it... nobody is gettin me anything or mentioning it anyway, so oh well, just another day. Yeah, Im losing my two closest friends Ashley and Andrew since Wednesday... They both changed and hit me hard... So since wednesday my life has completely fell apart and I am now rebuilding it... right now my closest friends are Prier Kimmi and another friend who I cant mention their name right now, whom I never thought I would actually have a friendship with, but I do now, and couldnt be happier with it... Andrew has a gf... lets see, last night we were gonna go see spiderman with his gf, but I guess he forgot about calling me or something and just took her... so I stayed home and did nothing. Ashley... yeah read her lj, very fucking disappointed in her regardless, but oh well, she can do whatever she wants, I dont care... I will never stop being her bro and I will never hate her... I am just... disappointed... I still cannot ever look at her or talk to her the same, I mean it is so hard for me to even talk to her now, but I know our friendship means alot to me and to her, so I had to call her... when I called her, I dont know, everything seemed awkward, it was like I wasnt talking to the same person, Ive been so fucked up the last few days, Ive been in shock and have just like been here and felt numb.. its hard to explain... It hurt talking to her though... When I talked to her I kept thinking about it and got angrier and more hurt... I dont know why... well I do, but I just cant say on here cause too many people read it... Its hurting me so bad to talk to her now, she doesnt realize it cause I hide it, but it does hurt... bad... but I have to sacrifice that so that I dont lose her... cause if I dont sacrifice it and hold it all in I will just either not talk to her again, or I will just go off on her and fuck up our friendship... so I have to sacrifice my feelings and stuff and hold everything in... I have to talk to her like nothing happened and mask it all down to keep our friendship.. its so hard and hurts so bad, but she cant know... but, Im not really mad that she did it, but I just dunno, its hard to explain, I just dont think she should, cause it is going to come back on her... just like another one of my friends was talking about, she did the same exact thing with the guy she loved and thought was "the one", but what happened? thats all he cared about and fucked around, so he wasnt the one, and she was so devastated and still regrets it, and I feel soooo incredibly bad for her, and I dont want the same thing to happen to my sis, and thats exactly what I see happening to her, I try hard to warn her and tell her... but she wont listen... but oh well, if/when it happens and comes back on her, I will be pissed, but I wont rub it in her face and be like I fucking told you so, but NOOOOOO you wouldnt listen... Ill just... still be there for her as best as I can be, even though that too would be hard on me... cause of this, everything between us is gonna be hard on me and fucked up from now on. I cant stand it... every fucking time I see him and she isnt there he is fuckin with a different girl, yesterday I only saw him one time in the hall, and guess what!! he had his arm around erica... my friend said he is always flirtin and fuckin around with some chic named kelly olbert or somethin, I dont know who she is... I cant stand that, but my sis either doesnt see it or doesnt care because she is too in love or thinks she is... I think its just that she wants a bf so bad and wants to grow up so bad and do all that stuff too soon and wants to be married and have someone so she thinks she is in love, but really she isnt, but she is too stuck on it and wants to be so bad she doesnt see reality... that is exactly what happened to my friend who got fucked over... but oh well, there is nothing more I can do about it, Ive tried too hard as it is, it will just be her mistake and on her... Current Mood: numb Current Music: "Hero" - Chad of Nickelback and Josey of Saliva (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 4th, 2002
10:51 pm	I am really feelin ICP Fuck Fuck that shit Fuck give it to me If I only could I'd set the world on fire, fuck If I only could I'd set the world on fire If I only could I'd set the world on fire Say fuck the world FUCK THE WORLD! If I only could I'd set the world on fire Fuck 'em all FUCK 'EM ALL Fuck you, fuck me, fuck us Fuck Tom, fuck Mary, fuck Gus Fuck dairies Fuck the West coast And fuck everybody on the East Eat shit and die Or fuck off atleast Fuck pre-schoolers Fuck rulers Kings and queens and gold jewlers Fuck wine coolers Fuck chickens, fuck ducks Everybody in your crew sucks Punk muthafucks Fuck critics Fuck your review Even if you like me, FUCK YOU! Fuck your Mom Fuck your Mom's Momma Fuck the Beastie Boys and the Daili Llama Fuck the rain forest Fuck a Forest Gump You probably like it in the rump Fuck a shoe pump Fuck the real deal And fuck all the fakes Fuck all 52 states, oooh And fuck you If I only could I'd set the world on fire Say fuck the world FUCK THE WORLD! If I only could I'd set the world on fire Fuck 'em all FUCK 'EM ALL If I only could I'd set the world on fire Say fuck the world FUCK THE WORLD! If I only could I'd set the world on fire Fuck 'em all FUCK 'EM ALL Fuck Oprah Fuck opera Fuck a soap opera Fuck a pop locker, and a cock blocker Fuck your girlfriend I probably did her already Fuck Kyle and his brother Tom Petty Jump Steady, my homey fuck 'em what are ya gonna do? Fuck that bitch fuck you Yeah well fuck you too Don't bother to analyze these rhymes In this song I say FUCK 93 times Fuck the president Fuck your welfare Fuck your government, and fuck Fred Bear Fuck Nugent, like anybody gives a fuck You like to hunt a lot, SO FUCKIN WHAT! Fuck disco Count or Monty Crisco Fuck cisco, and Jack and Jerry Brisco And fuck everyone that went down with the Titanic, in a panic I'm like, FUCK YOU ALL!!!! If I only could I'd set the world on fire Say fuck the world FUCK THE WORLD! If I only could I'd set the world on fire Fuck 'em all FUCK 'EM ALL If I only could I'd set the world on fire Say fuck the world FUCK THE WORLD! If I only could I'd set the world on fire Fuck 'em all FUCK 'EM ALL Fuck Celine Dion, and fuck Dionne Warwick You both make me sick, suck my dick Fuck the Berlin wall, both sides of it And fuck Lyle Lovett, whoever the fuck that is Fuck everybody in the hemisphere Fuck them across the world And fuck them right here You know the guy that operates the Rouge River draw bridge In Del Ray on Jefferson? FUCK HIM! Fuck your idea Fuck your gonarrhea Fuck your diarrhea, Rocky Maivia Fuck your wife your homey did He's fuckin you Fuck the police, and the 5- 0 too Fuck Spin, Rolling Stone, and fuck Vibe Fuck everybody inside Whoever's on the cover, fuck his mother Fuck your little brothers homey from around the way And fuck Violent J Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: "Fuck The World" - ICP (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 27th, 2002
6:19 pm	Life has been pretty slow and boring as of late... I got 3 reports for now... Psychology is 5 pages minimum... Im done with that, it turned out to be 7 pages... I got 2 pages in American History, and 6-8 pages in English... sucks!! Oh well... Right now my GPA is at 3.4... and thats because I have a C- in math which slays the hell out of it... damn tommer!! School is pissin me off with all of the new things... even though some are supposedly not true, but still!! Sumner gets worse every year!! I hate that place... Its new name is "hell". There arent many cool teachers there either, the only ones that are any fun are prier... hes the best, mobley, and sometimes smith. Evans is aight too I guess. I havent been talking to many people lately, so thats helped me out a lot!! Helps me get more accomplished.. I swear friends and people in general just bring me down, theres only a few friends that I can actually have... its weird, im totally NOT normal at all. Is it just me or is live journal evil? I mean I write my shit on here... then NOSY FUCKING PEOPLE THAT HAVE TO BE IN PEOPLES BUSINESS AND READ ALL ABOUT IT!!! come up and bitch at me for shit that I wrote in it... ok, its my lj, my life, I write what I want to... you dont like it keep your nosy fucking self out of it!! Noone told you to read my lj, noone forces you to, just shut the fuck up about it, dont read it!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 20th, 2002
7:27 pm	Krysten Aww, its the lovely Krysten, isnt she so beautiful? I love her **All credit for the picture of the beautiful Krysten goes to my fiances website, www.AshliClarke.com** (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:18 pm	R.I.P. Layne Staley The lead singer of Alice in Chains,Layne Staley, was found dead today, and an autopsy showed it was cause of drugs... He will be missed, he was one of the best... (Comment on this)
7:36 am	Happy 4-20!! Tis the day of the greatest holiday!! 4-20!! woohoo!! Time to celebrate!! Get out the weed and toke it up baby!! Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: "voodoo child" - Hendrix (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 18th, 2002
11:13 pm	Why does everyone hate me? People hurt me for no reason, so I retaliate, so they hate me and all their friends hate me, so I try to be nice and they still find reasons to fucking hate me!! God dammit, Im gettin pissed, this is the kinda shit that makes people go nuts... I call ashli a bitch a while ago so markee is gonna beat me up or some shit.. now Im tryin to be nice and make new friends like with vanessa and cristina... so I give cristina a note today and my number, and low and behold her bf gabriel calls me... I didnt talk to him but im assuming it would be to bitch at me and threaten me for talking to her... can I fucking do nothing right?? I mean come on now people im bout to flip out over this shit, I cant get gfs or friends cause it will just piss someone else off and add one more person to the already long list of people who wanna kick my ass.... this shit... I swear to god, im bout to hit the fuckin roof and go off... I try to be nice, but noone seems to give a fuck until Im mean... then I get bitched at... do I get anything when im nice? nope nope nope, not a fucking thing... so wtf am I supposed to do?? I cant do a fucking thing right I guess... Current Mood: pissed off (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 14th, 2002
9:54 pm	R. I. P. Titanic Today is the anniversary that the unsinkable ship went down in 1912, 90 years ago. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 9th, 2002
12:00 am	Best/Worst of the Class of 2004 Contest Okay!! Finally, the forms for the judges have been completed, they will be distributed to the 5 pre-selected judges tomorrow. Soon we will have the undisputed best and worst of the class of 2004!! Everyone ponders at who truly is the best and worst in the class, well we have comprised a list of categories and have selected the top 5 male critiquers in the class of 04 for judges, we will soon know the best and worst, let the anticipation begin to arise!! I believe the top competitors are Angel, Eman, and Samantha. They have mighty fine assets... but there are certainly some underdoggs who could come out fighting for the titles... who knows what will happen, stay tuned for the results!! (Comment on this)